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"What do you think of India?" If you plan on visiting the sub-continent you'd better have an answer ready, because it's the third question in a string that begins every conversation here, following "What is your country?" and "What is your name?", but preceding a grilling about cricket that will last as long as your knowledge base will allow it (about 2 seconds in my case).

But it's a loaded question and impossible to answer without lying or offending people, which is one hell of a way to start every friendship you make in a strange new place. The country is so large, and so complex that I have taken to appeasement ("it's very nice" puts smiles on every ones faces) or, to ignorance ("I haven't been here long"). But, (and please bare with me here!) I will try to formulate my impressions into an opinion.

India has 1 billion people, 27 states, 15 major languages and hundreds of unofficial ones; it is secular but the numerous religions, races and castes do not mix; its economy is booming but it has the worst and most widespread poverty I have seen; it's otherwise rational people believe in a pantheon of mortal gods and a web of myths and legends that tell their stories; cows are holy but dogs are wretched; shoes cannot be worn in houses but flicking cigarette ash on the floor is; they eat only with their right hand and do not touch their cups to their lips for hygienic reasons, but will gladly cough in your face, spit tobacco juice everywhere, and blow snot into their fingers while preparing food; alcohol is frowned upon, and indeed banned in some states, but people piss everywhere just the same; employees of the state (railways etc) are rude, lazy, ignorant, incompetent fraudsters, but Joe public is hospitable, friendly and generous beyond belief.

Ok, so I’m generalising, but for all the noisy extremes that exist here it’s difficult to get a sense of the normality of Indian life. Theroux called India a country of ‘sanctioned excess’: “the holy mob, the stink of sanctity, the legitimate noise” - and he is, as ever, wonderfully astute.

Religion is sacrosanct, as are the social rules dictated by it. This leads to a well-behaved, family-orientated and conservative society where children really do respect their elders, so much so that they are emulating them by the time they are 15, dressing in sensible shoes, tight, high-waisted trousers, woollen vests, with gold watches and a side parting. 'Teen angst' is an entirely alien concept. Everyone wants to work in IT, including the most rebellious of all the youths I have met (a front, of course), who already knows that in 5 years time he will be working with computers at an insurance brokers.

People accept their lives. There is no yearning for greater fulfilment or something more meaningful in the way we do in the west. We have all but abandoned religion and live in constant uncertainty. We have a hole to fill and we try to plug it with manmade consumerables: drink, drugs and sex, but it’s like feeding a starving man mars bars and coca-cola: you’ll sedate his hunger temporarily but he will never be satisfied, and soon the he’ll be sick all over your shoes.

Sex is interesting too. I had to explain to a group of 19 year olds (who when in front of people they wanted to impress told jokes about it) what ‘fucking’ actually meant! Can you imagine?! I don’t mean to make fun of them, just to point out that most of them will not have sex before marriage. This means that their young lives are not spent obsessing over sexual exploits, and so they have no hang-ups over image and the cult of the cool created by a sex-orientated culture. Which is, undoubtedly, what we live in.

But, this unquestioning faith in their religion and their parents gives me the feeling that the overbearing rules restrict thought, that the people rely on them, and that because no sword-wielding monkey has told them not to, they see nothing wrong with throwing stones at puppies. There is a semi-childlike innocence to it all, and it can create the impression of a simple but happy people in a country of terrific complexities which are created and dealt with by the systems codes and conducts of antiquity (or perceived antiquity). In the same way that the intricacies of our bodily functions are incredibly complex, but we sleep-walk through our lives without ever having to worry about them more than once.

For example, I was taken to a temple in honour of a Gujarati guru, Kandar Bapu. I was told he was a great man by my guides (men in the early twenties), but when I asked what he had done to be bestowed with such honour, they had no idea. “He was a great believer in God”, I was told. “I don’t know his history, but I know he was a great man”. Complete acceptance of their gospel, and a defensive agitation when you question it.

The same day, at a wedding, a group of hermaphrodites (Chakes) came asking for money. I had seen similar groups before, aggressively asking for money. They invariably look like men dressed up as women, which begs the question why they don’t just dress like men and not tell anyone about their affliction. But no, they make a good living by stretching out their hands because people are afraid of them. If you don’t give them money, they will cast spells on you. So everyone at the wedding nervously accommodated them; feeding them, letting them dance and sing for the grooms, and giving them money.

To further compound my impression, nobody could tell me the significance of any aspect of the ceremony, from ripping clothes to holding coconuts: “It’s just a formality” was the unchanging reply to my questioning.

More recently I have realised that a fierce nationalism exists, especially among the youth, propagated by the government. I have read some school literature and textbooks, as well as government literature and speeches of the President Dr. Abdul Kalam and they are full of nationalist propaganda. A book of history’s greatest scientists had only 5 entries for non-Indians. The nation is more important than the self is the message.

It is not surprising, considering India’s historical significance. The Harappan, or Indus Valley Civilisation (albeit primarily in what is now Pakistan) was among the first in the world, emerging in c3000BC and flourishing in c2300BC, around the same time as those of the Sumerian in Mesopotamia (modern day Iraq) and Ancient Egyptian. The Harappans were probably the first to discover the wheel, had written language, and the world’s first planned towns. Later, Sanskrit was developed here by the Aryans: a language described as “more perfect than Greek, more copious than Latin”. A literary heritage of epic poems written in the language (the Vedas) date back to 1100BC. Buddhism and Hinduism originated here, both peaceful and tolerant religions. India was also the first country under British colonial rule to be made independent, in 1947, and it did so through political pressure and non-violent protest, led by such great men as Mahatma Ghandi. It sees itself as one of history’s greatest civilisations, and aspires to recreate that greatness out of the ashes of a colonial interruption.

Since Independence, though, things have not been straightforward. The lack of common enemy and thus direction has left India floundering, and it has suffered much as a result. Constantly at war or on the verge of war with Pakistan, the division inherent in the caste system, and the inter-religious strife between fundamental Hindu nationalists and Muslims has seen much bloodshed. Indeed, the three pillars upon which independent India was founded – socialism, secularism, and non-violence – have been respectively discarded, demolished and exploded. And though democracy has reigned triumphant since Independence (except for 18 months of “emergency dictatorship” under Mrs Ghandi), it is perhaps here more than anywhere else that its status as the “least bad” system of government is demonstrated: hugely expensive campaign drives serve to impress the scores of illiterate and uneducated voters, distracting government from actually governing “instead of readying itself for the next poll”. This was exemplified by Mrs Ghandi’s Congress (I) which has been called “an unaudited company for winning elections”.

From within, the industrial and economic drive is despoiling the landscape with it's affection for consumerism, and from without, foreign enemies threaten the cultural values. Commercialism, driven by the greed of our richest industries (and ourselves) is knocking on the door. Like a poison gas it is slowly creeping into the country, bringing with it the wonderful marketing tools of the 'cool' and the 'sexy'. Some, drugged by its promises of the hedonistic lifestyle without responsibility, are embracing it, the masses regard it cautiously, with suspicion.

And still this does not tell you what I think of India! I have only been in the country for 3 weeks, and have but scratched a very thin line across the edge of its surface, so this is just my impression so far:

I see a country of unequal and segregated people living uneasily within their border; an intelligent and capable people who lack creativity and freedom-of-thought; a tiny elite, rich and educated and destined for massive profit; a burgeoning middle class happy with their lot; and the masses, uneducated and starving, flooding the cities in the search of opportunity and finding cold streets and colder faces (already, 3000 new people arrive in Mumbai every day).

I see faith, generosity, happiness in simple pleasures, and a penchant for festivals and celebrations where eruptions of colour, song and dance liven up the working life.

It is a country fixed to it's past, straining to move into the future.

In short, I think that India is a very confused country, with difficult times ahead.

Much easier to describe is what the Indians think of Britain: invariably it is “a very nice country!”, our educational and business reputation is strong, but through inference I know that it is seen as a corrupt and immoral place of decadence and depravity that is rich in all life's guilty pleasures. Especially sex and money. Lots of money. This is why every Indian I talk to wants to visit England: it is, in their eyes, rich for the picking.

And are they so wrong?

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