04/07/2005
Apollo chained in plaster cast
Once again, most faithful readers, I must bow down before you and beseech from you the honour of kissing your hands that you might see my shame at having so foolishly caused you pain, injury, no less, through my heedless, egocentric actions.
"Pain?" you cry, "Injury! Why the man's delirious! His shoulder's turned gangrene! He's in a fit of consumption! Here he begs before us and vexes himself when we should be at his feet, attending him! Bah! Get up, dear boy and act with dignity!"
But don't you see, by falling I have injured myself to the point where I am unable to provide you, dear readers, with your daily dose, your reccomended daily intake of life as I see it; I have taken away from you something as important as the very air you breath (though you may not know it) and all because of an act of the utmost selfishness. Oh! how I beg your forgiveness! My conscious is heavey with the weight of the cast on my shoulders! I am Apollo: a Titan reduced to straining and sweating miserably under the weight of infinite pain. But listen to me whine - such treachery is never seen by the inside of a prison as that which lurks in the shadows of self pity.
I am, as you all know, your humble servant, and I will continue to serve you, should I be given the chance! I have stumbled before you once before, but did I not catch myself before I fell, and stride forward with more awesome majesty than ever? Did I not say to thee that I was no quitter, and did I not make true of my promises of glory in your name? And I shall, I say most graciously, do the same again!
Stay loyal, dear Readers, as I have done to you.
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Comments
Listen to me Martin Holland.
BUCK UP. and stop reading so much. It is turning you into one of those drivelling pretentious boring poncey travellers you used to rant about. I can't believe I am telling someone to stop reading but this is an order.
Ponce.
(mwah!)
PS kisses to your clavicle...!
Posted by: Lizzie C | 05/07/2005
well said little lady!! i totally agree!! the words oh dear come to mind as we see martin enter the maze of drivellious never to seen of again!!! lol
Posted by: fernella | 05/07/2005
Look, it's a problem OK, and I need your support, not your criticism. Once in a while I just need to let off a bit of steam and, you know, talk like a ponce for a while. I s that a crime? People of the world!
Posted by: Martin | 05/07/2005
Hmm it seems to me that because Martin is using bigger words than paragraphs you are to be what known as jealous, maybe if you read more you may understand some of these marathon descriptions...or just use dictionary.com like me Hooyaaa
Posted by: Touch Me Im God | 05/07/2005
From now on we will refer to martin as the hitch hikers guide to the galaxy. The human walking guide to absolute rubbish and useless information. Just like those travel guides you pick up in your friendly book store....
Posted by: BIG NIGE | 05/07/2005
Well I never! What utter nonsense! Blasphemous drivel! Shame! Shame on all you Orwellian censors of creativity!
And aplomb to that most humble of Gods who is willing to be touched to prove himself! What a patron of prose!
Heed my warning rapscallious doubters of the pen's mighty might, more of this and I will be forced to take action on this noble chaser of soul's part, and may even write a strongly worded letter to my local MP.
Posted by: Avenger of scandal | 05/07/2005
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